Lights On!

Let’s discuss ways to develop sexual confidence by learning how to leave the lights on during sex. Men love to have the lights on because they are very visual and looking or watching stimulates their arousal. Besides that, men are very proud of their erection and want the brightest of lights to display such grandeur. I would also suggest that if women would allow a bit more nudity in the encounter that this would further improve his arousal.

Why don’t women like the lights on? Are they feeling ashamed about having sex due to a rigid upbringing? Are they embarrassed about their appearance during an orgasm? Or is it simply that they have a disturbed body image and are unhappy with the appearance of a part of the body. In today’s society, sexual desire = attractiveness and if women are concerned that they do not portray the “attractiveness” of today, they then do not feel desired.

I asked for input from both sex therapists and physician experts and the ideas were quite helpful. For those that have body image issues, let’s say the breasts sag after nursing a few babies, use a sexy push-up bra that is lacy and see-through while providing support. If she is worried about her belly fat due to a cesarean section or hysterectomy scar or perhaps too many treats over the holidays, then wear a baby doll style of lingerie that “hides” the area of concern. How about the gal with generous hips and thighs? Try a long sexy gown that directs the eye to the bust-line and away from the hips.

A better suggestion would be to stay naked but lower the lighting with sexy candles. Be sure to select a scent appealing to both partners and generally a subtle scent is best. Almond scented candles stimulate arousal. Pure Romance makes a line of soy candles and the melted wax doubles as massage oil! How sexy is that?

Wearing a blindfold will reduce her sensitivity to the light and may even heighten her anticipation of what might happen next! Luxurious linens and sexy music also create a more relaxing environment for intimacy.

I suggest that guys refrain from general comments such as, “You are beautiful, and I love all of you.” Women do not take that global acceptance well. Instead, I suggest, “Don’t worry about your belly because you have beautiful breasts….”, or “Stop worrying about your breasts because you have such a sexy butt and that is what I am looking at”. These comments draw women away from their area of concern and make them more comfortable with the other good parts they have.

Finally, it is important to love your body and appreciate what you have. A visit to the sex therapist can help you explore the anxieties related to nudity and teach you relaxation exercises to help you enjoy the intimacy.

Exercise, eat right and strive for the body you are comfortable with.
For more information find us at or 888 569 3374

Dr. Maureen Whelihan

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